The Self That Performs and the Self That Remains:

The Art of Living Fully

Life, as we know it, is a delicate dance between action and stillness, between striving and simply existing. It's a balancing act that often feels like walking a tightrope while juggling flaming torches: thrilling, terrifying and occasionally singe-worthy. Yet, in this space between doing and being, we find the essence of a life well lived.

But what does it really mean to navigate this space? And why do so many of us feel like we're either sprinting on a hamster wheel or stuck in a fog of inertia? Let's dive in, shall we?

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The Obsession with "Doing"

If there were a mascot for modern society, it would be a caffeinated squirrel clutching a to-do list. We live in a world that glorifies productivity, where "hustle culture" reigns supreme. From the moment we wake up (thanks to our alarm-clock-slash-phone-slash-email machine), we're bombarded with reminders to do more, achieve more and be more CONSTANTLY.

"Did you crush your workout today?"
"Have you read the 12 books every successful working mother swears by?"
Why are you tired when everyone else seems to manage just fine?
What did you forget this time?
Who did you disappoint today?
Why aren’t you handling this better?
Shouldn’t you be doing more right now?

It's exhausting. And yet, we buy into it because we've been conditioned to believe that our worth is tied to our output. If we're not busy, are we even trying? If we're not achieving, are we failing? Spoiler alert: NO, you're not.

But here's the catch: while doing is important (after all, someone has to pay the bills and clean the cat's litter box), it's only half the equation. Constant doing, without pausing to reflect or simply be, is like eating nothing but protein bars for every meal or in my case, skipping meals to get things done. Sure, it'll keep you going but you'll miss out on the richness and flavor of life.

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The Forgotten Art of "Being"

On the flip side, there's "being." Ah, the sweet, elusive state of just existing. It's the stuff mindfulness apps and yoga retreats are made of. Being is about presence, about sitting with yourself and the world around you without feeling the need to accomplish anything. Sounds simple, right? Wrong.

For many of us, being feels unnatural. We fidget. We reach for our phones. We start mentally drafting an email, planning dinner or planning the coming weeks and in worse cases, months in advance. The idea of just sitting with our thoughts can be as appealing as hugging a porcupine.

But here's the thing: being isn't about doing nothing; it's about doing something differently. It's about noticing the way sunlight filters through your window in the morning or how your coffee smells before you take that first sip. It's about allowing yourself to breathe deeply and intentionally without rushing to the next task.

Being is where creativity sparks, where clarity emerges and where we reconnect with what truly matters. It's not laziness; it's fuel for the soul.

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The Tension Between the Two

So how do we reconcile these two states? How do we exist in the space between doing and being without feeling like we're failing at one or the other? The answer lies in integration.

Imagine your life as a symphony. Doing is the driving rhythm, the percussion that keeps things moving forward. Being is the melody, the soulful notes that give life its beauty and depth. A symphony needs both to be complete. Too much rhythm without melody becomes noise; too much melody without rhythm becomes aimless.

The key is learning when to lean into each state. There will be times when action is necessary, when deadlines loom or opportunities arise that require hustle. And there will be times when stillness is essential, when your body or mind whispers (or screams) that it's time to rest.

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Practical Tips for Finding Balance

Now that we've waxed poetic about the virtues of doing and being, let's get practical. How can you strike a balance between these two states in your daily life? Here are some ideas:

1. Schedule Downtime
   Yes, I know it sounds counterintuitive to "schedule" being but hear me out. If your calendar is already packed with meetings and errands, why not block off time for rest or reflection? Treat it like any other appointment, making it non-negotiable and important.
2. Practice Mindful Transitions
   Instead of rushing from one task to the next, take a moment to pause. Breathe deeply. Acknowledge what you've just completed before diving into what's next. These micro-moments of being can make a big difference.
3. Set Boundaries
   Learn to say no (politely but firmly) to things that don't align with your priorities or values. Overcommitting is a surefire way to tip the scales toward constant doing.
4. Embrace Imperfection
   Spoiler alert: you'll never get this balance thing 100% right and that's okay! Life is messy and unpredictable and sometimes you'll lean too far into one side or the other. The goal isn't perfection; it's awareness.
5. Find Your Flow
   Seek activities that blend doing and being, things that engage your mind and body while also grounding you in the present moment. Think gardening, painting, cooking or even a good old-fashioned walk in nature.

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The Beauty of the In-Between

At its core, the space between doing and being isn't a void; it's a bridge. It's where we learn to move gracefully between effort and ease, between ambition and contentment. It's where we discover that life isn't about choosing one over the other but about weaving them together into a tapestry that's uniquely ours.

So the next time you find yourself caught in the frenzy of doing or lost in the haze of being, remember this: balance isn't something you achieve once and for all; it's something you practice every day. And in that practice lies the true art of living.

Now go forth and do (or be) as you see fit.

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If you wish to continue this reflection

These pieces belong to the same inner thread and unfold in this order:

• The Self That Performs and the Self That Remains
  This is the frame. It names the split and offers a lens. Everything else hangs from this.
• When I Stop Explaining Myself
  This is the first visible crack in performance. Language is often where over-functioning shows up first.
• The Illusion of Free Time
  This is the second realization. Once performance loosens, even “rest” is revealed as performance in disguise.
• Living in Recovery Mode
  The aftermath. Not insight anymore but consequence.